


Some Things Never Change

by AceQueenKing



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Destroy Ending, F/M, Gen, Hyacinth Shephard, Minor Character Death, Minor Character Death: EDI, Minor Character Death: Kaiden Alenko, Normandy - Freeform, One Last Tour of Duty, Retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 05:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8737384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceQueenKing/pseuds/AceQueenKing
Summary: 30 years after Shepard and Joker part ways, they reunite for one last mission: a final tour of the Normandy.





	

 Vancouver was cold.

Shepard shivered and ordered a second beer, still waiting at the bar. Had it always been this cold? It had not bothered her so much when she was a younger woman.

Bored with waiting, she tried to remember what month it had been when she’d been sent to her self-inflicted Alliance prison – had it been March? April? She remembered rain.

She had only to look up one of the _many_ holos on the Reaper war to find out – but that would bring up memories that Admiral Hyacinth Shepard was not quite prepared to meet.

Instead, she pulled up her omni again, looking over the letter Joker had sent her. She couldn’t imagine what he wanted to see her for – not after all this time – but he had asked to see her.  This much, at least, she could do for him.

She heard the door to the bar open, and looked out of the corner of her eye. There was no mistaking his braces, not even with thirty years distance between memories; it could only be him. She felt her back straighten reflexively as she watched Joker shakily manage the first few steps, leaning on a cane -- that was new. Judging by the sternness of Joker’s face – eyes hollowed, mouth pressed into a firm line – walking was harder than it had been.

She stared at him a few seconds without meaning to. She hadn’t, somehow, expected him to age since she’d last seen him – that somehow the Joker who had sent her the letter was the same one who’d  stormed out of the Normandy, his transfer request all but shoved into her hands, thirty years ago.

Thirty years down the line, the shock of grey hair, the wrinkles, the jowls – all of it was utterly startling. He was still recognizable as her former friend, but he had changed.

He met her gaze, his eyes hardened and cool, and she quickly looked away.

“Give me another beer,” she said, turning her attention toward the bartender. “And give me two umbrellas.”

The bartender raised her eyebrow in silent questioning, but Shepard just shook her head.

There were some things that never changed, and one of them, she hoped, was Joker’s drink preferences.

She did not watch as Joker hobbled the last few steps over to her, but she did not need to – she could hear him, the harsh thump of his cane as it hit the ground. She counted the steps – _one, two, three –_ until he hit the counter.

The bartender slid the drink down the bar, and Joker frowned, reaching into his pocket.

“I’ve got it,” she said, tossing a credit chip toward the bar. Least she could do. Joker nodded, his lips near-silently reading over the label. He turned to nod towards her.

“Hi,” he said, his voice hoarse and smoky; loaded with thirty years of memories she had no claim to. She found herself feeling insanely jealous of his Captain on the _Monte Rosa_ for a split second – what adventures had he had? Ones that she would likely never know.

“Hey, soldier,” she said, because _Jeff_ was too formal and _Joker_ too personal. Did he even still go by Joker? She did not know. The name no longer suited him, judging by the frown on his face.

She wondered, not for the first time, why he had called her here.

They sat alone for a second, her nursing her Molson, him his Kronenbourg. She wasn’t going to force him to say whatever it was that he had asked her to see her for; Joker wasn’t the type to open up easily.

“You look good, Commander,” he said, and she blushed. It had been a long time since the war ended; she couldn’t imagine that she had aged well. But she had been in lots of holos; perhaps it was not so bad for Joker; he had had opportunities to catch up with her, if only from a distance.

“You too,” she said, though it wasn’t entirely true: Joker was thin, grizzled. He looked like a man who’d lost too much. She supposed that it was true that he had, that what she was seeing was just the pieces of him that were left, jutting up against each other , but then that was true of all of them, wasn’t it? Those of them that had survived the war?

She took a drink. She didn’t like to think about that – about _survivors_ , about what winning the war had taken, about all the times she had been called a _hero_ and it had felt like a rebuke because a hero brought people home. A hero did not decide who lived, and who died; that was the role of a tyrant, and for one second Shepard had held that power in her hands and she had chosen it. There hadn’t been an alternative. She had held the power and she had done what had needed to be done, but he had suffered for it.

His transfer request had not been a surprise, but it had hurt none the less.

“It was hard to find you, Shepard,” Joker said. “How did you arrange to have your last tour with no press?”  
  
“A damn miracle,” she said. “And by that, I mean Liara.”  Liara had been all but essential in keeping her out of the press – and it had been a damned relief. She’d tried for no less than three tours to keep herself going, but she was slowing down and getting older.  And without Kaidan, there was no one watching her back in the field, not anymore.

She had known it was time. Hackett had offered her a promotion up to  the mainline, Fleet Command - but she did not want it. After the Crucible, she had soured on being the one who made all the decisions.

“Yeah, well, probably worth it.” Joker waved a hand in the air. “Captain Okonjo is all but rubbing his hands together in glee about mine. Think he posted my retirement on the bulletin board in the damn mess hall. I can’t go three steps without _Congratulations,_ _Jeff!_ and _Enjoy_ _Your Retirement_ _,_ _Moreau_ _!_ Lots of grinning faces. Think they’re just happy I’m leaving.”

She frowned, but said nothing. She knew Joker well enough to know that any sort of sympathy would be taken for pity. She, too, had received tons of claps on the back, but certainly her experience had been happier than Joker’s.

“I saw the memorial at Tiptree last time we were out there,” she said, changing the topic. “’s nice.”  
  
“Yeah.” Joker said, and there was an edge in in his voice, the sort that suggested not sticking on this topic for too long. “Was thinking about retiring there, but…”  
  
“Yeah.” She shrugged. She remembered Mindoir – and for all the promotional spam she’d received begging her to go back to her home colony, she knew that she never would be able to. “I’m not going back to Mindoir, either.”

“You going to move back here then, for Kaidan?” There was a bitterness in Joker’s voice  – he’d never been fond of Kaidan after Horizon, and Shepard had understood, after the Citadel, that some tears in the fabric of their cozy little group would likely never mend. They’d been professional after Kaidan had come back on the Normandy, but never more than that, and after Joker had transferred, well…It had become less of a problem.

“It was the plan,” she said, her hand automatically caressing the wedding ring she still wore.

“You guys aren't…?” Joker looked away.

“He…died.” Shepard said, and left it at that.

“Ah, shit.” He tugged his cap down – the gesture strangely youthful, even if he’d replaced the ball cap with a regular, regulation cap. “I’m sorry. When…?”  
  
“About five years ago,” Shepard said. “The headaches were getting to be too much, so he volunteered for the L17’s when R and D were developing ‘em. He couldn’t take the new implants.”

That had been the short version. The long version – that it had taken months for Kaidan to pass, that they had been given hope that his body was stabilizing more than once only to have it taken away – was something that she wasn’t sure she could say.

“Damn. I didn't know.” He shook his head. “Really is the end of an era.”

Neither of them said anything for a moment. She took another long sip of her beer.

“It was nice to get your letter,” she said – that much was true. She had not expected to hear from him ever again.

“Yeah, well.” Joker fidgeted for a moment before grabbing his cane. “Figured it was time.”  
   
“I didn’t think you’d forgive me," She admitted; her heart beat faster, uncomfortable with admitting the truth.   
  
“I  was never mad, Commander..” Joker looked at her, his eyes steely blue. “It was just…too hard to be there. After everything. And I thought about writing, but…I’m not good with that kind of thing. Easier to ignore it, you know?”  
  
She nodded. She _did_ know. EDI’s death had wounded her as well – she had been a good friend, and her death had seemed almost too high a price to pay for the galaxy’s peace. She had always imagined Joker had hated her all that time. To know that he didn’t…Her eyes began to water, but she held it in. 

“Yeah.” She said, one hand gently clapping him on the back. “Lot of half-written letters on my omni, too.”

“Yeah. When I heard about the Normandy, well…There’s no one out there, Commander, who loves that ship more than you and I do.”

“The Normandy?”  So that had been what he had called her out to discuss. Shepard had been unable to keep the Normandy – it had passed to Vega during her rehabilitation.Vega still insisted he was only taking care of it for her, even after it had been out of her hands longer than it had been in it. It had been over twenty years since she’d last seen her.

“They’re decommissioning her,” Joker said, wincing. “And since some of her tech is still classified and some of it is turian, she’s going straight to the scrapyard.”

“Damn.” It seemed impossible to imagine the Normandy being decommissioned. The ship had been cutting edge tech for so long – and one of the most unique frigates in the fleet, thanks to its hybrid design and Cerberus background. 

Joker slowly – far slower than he used to – moved off the chair, transferring his weight to his cane. She wasn’t blind to how much his hands shook.

“Leaving already?”

“Yeah, if you’ll come with me.” He leaned heavily on his cane.  

“Where are we going?” She asked, though she didn’t hesitate to put on her jacket.

“Cross the street.”

“Joker, we’re in the middle of an Alliance complex. The only thing across the street is the ship–”  
  
“Yard.” He nodded, his omni lighting up his face in the dark street. “My Alliance credentials should still be good for twenty four hours.”

Her hands went to her own omni – only to remember that she’d had her military ID chip taken out months ago. She frowned. “I’m not authorized. You’ll have to call Captain Okonjo.”

“We’re not going back on the _Monte Rosa._ ” Joker didn’t bother to explain further, but took another few hobbling steps into the shipyard. She followed, wondering what, exactly, was going on. She was distracted from her unspoken questions by the build-up of the Alliance ship-yards. It had been mostly destroyed in the rubble of the Reaper War; all the build up was new, and unfamiliar. She hadn't been back to the military complex in Vancouver in quite some time; when she'd come with Kaiden, they'd gone through the citizen airfields. 

A couple of techs glanced at them as they reached the door, but said nothing; the scrutiny was nothing like it had been in the old days. At least they weren’t dodging reporters anymore, or worse – clones. She doubted she was spry enough to stop an evil twin anymore.

“Joker, why are we here?”  
  
“I have to see her,” he said, mouth pressed into a firm line.

“See _who_?”  
  
“The Normandy.” Joker said. “One more time.”  
  
“Joker…” She put a hand on his shoulder, but Joker shrugged it off, hobbling forward.

“She’s not going to be the same ship, Joker.”  
  
“I know that.” Thirty years of sadness  welled up in his voice; Shepard winced. “But she’s all I have left of _her_ , Shepard.”

She closed her eyes and sighed, the old guilt humming through her veins. For all that she had hated the damnably long months of watching Kaidan suffer, she had not regretted having a chance to say goodbye. She had robbed Joker of such a chance once. She could not rob him again.

“Alright.” She squeezed his shoulder once, gently – no telling how bad the Vrolik’s had gotten. “Lead the way.”  
  
“I _knew_ you would understand,” he whispered.

No one paid them much attention as they wandered the shipyard. A muscular woman raised an eyebrow at her, the expression so familiar she wondered if perhaps it was one of Vega’s many, many children. Last she’d heard, he and Ann were around the ninth or tenth – she’d had to create a special note in her files just to keep track of which was which.  Perhaps it was Carmen, who she was pretty sure had mentioned wanting to go into the Alliance with her father. 

“Admiral Lola,” she said, saluting, and any doubt Shepard might have had was gone.  She saluted, and Vega’s daughter grinned, brown hair billowing in the wind. 

She followed Joker as he wound them through the shipyards; there were many ships there today; command must have issued a drydock order to quite a bit of the fleet. Some of the newest flagships were here – the _Annapurna_ , the _Lhots_ _e_ , the _Mztagh Ata_ all greeted her – and she spotted her mother’s old _Kilimanjaro_ in the distance, along with Okonjo’s _Monte Rosa._

Joker took a winding turn town a lesser used part of the facility – where they kept ships that _wouldn’t_ be getting out of dry-dock – and her breath caught in her throat when a familiar ship came into view.

She looked a bit different of course – the Normandy had incurred plenty of fighting since she’d last stepped off her deck; her belly was well pock-marked now – but it was _her_. She had no attendants; she sat alone.  Shepard couldn’t stop herself from placing one hand reverently on the side of the ship.

“Hey girl,” she said softly. “Long time no see.”  
  
Joker did not express any greeting, but placed his own hand with hers, though he had to shift his weight to lean against the ship to do so. She suspected that, had any part of EDI remained in the old girl, Joker's gesture would mean a great deal to her. 

She could not say how long they stood that way. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine the last time she had been on the Normandy. It was in the haze of the end days of the war - stress; Kaiden rubbing her shoulders through long nights; Liara and her time-capsule. She had not known this would be the last time she'd see her for so long. She’d fully planned to take control of the Normandy again, once she’d recovered. Being the savior of the god damned galaxy had given her, at minimum, her pick of assignments – but then she had told her crew _exactly_ what had occurred when she had been on the Citadel. And she’d seen the way they’d looked at her, and knew that some of them could never understand.

And when Joker pressed the first painful transfer request in her hands as she still waited on a hospital bed, she knew it had been time to go.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he’d said, and she’d felt her heart crack open. She knew it was only a matter of time before the others, too, left – and she had not been wrong. In the same week as she had transferred back to Alliance command, Tali and Garrus had gone home to the Flotilla and the Fleet, respectively; Javik and Liara had disappeared – though from time to time she still received messages addressed only as L. Only Sam, Cortez, and Vega had remained with the Normandy – and bit by bit, they’d gone too.

It was only Vega now, who had managed to take her until the end. She was surprised, thinking of it, that he hadn’t told her about the decommissioning – but perhaps he’d wanted to spare her feelings.

“Thank you,” Joker said, his voice cracking and gruff. “For coming.”

“Thank you for letting me know.” She pulled her hand away, moved a couple steps back. “You’re right. We did need to see her one more time.”

“Yeah,” he said. “We had good times here.”  
  
The best.” She folded her arms; the cold was getting to her, but she couldn’t leave.

“The best.” Joker nodded. “Yeah.”  
  
Joker slowly lowered his hand from the hull, and Shepard found herself once again caught in the _what ifs_ of the end of the war. Would it have been better to choose _not_ to tell him? For a moment she was envious of her hypothetical alternate future, a different Shepard that had not been deprived of one of her best friends for over a quarter of a century. But she did not think she could live with lying to him.

“I guess I should head back to the _Monte Rosa_ ,” Joker said, transferring his hands into his pockets. “Can’t be late for your own get-the-hell-out party, you know.”  
  
She nodded, but couldn’t bring herself to turn away. Joker’s face looked haunted, and she knew there was no where on earth he’d rather be less than on the _Monte Ros_ _a._

And she knew, suddenly, that she couldn’t let him go back to being miserable. She wondered, briefly, if James had bothered to change the security code.

“Fuck'em,” she said, startling Joker. He looked up at her, mouth open, as she walked over to the door of the ship, her fingers tapping a code that she’d never forgotten.

“Shepard, what are you–?”

“You came all this way to say goodbye, right?” She grinned in triumph as the doors slid open. She hadn’t remembered how much she missed the old sliding doorways until she saw them opening for her again. “You really gonna come this far and not sit in _that_ chair one last time?”

Joker laughed, a pure bark of pleased laughter that a week ago she’d never imagined hearing again.

“Good point. Lead the way.”

She hacked the door for a second time from the decontamination chamber; Joker glanced around it, as if he expected to get arrested any second. Was he worried?

“Vega isn’t going to arrest us, you know,” she said.

“The paint’s different,” he said, his voice soft, and she snorted.

“It’s been a few years. Vega might have changed the color scheme on us.”  
  
“Do you think there’s anyone inside?”  
  
“Probably all on ship leave.” She flicked the last of the security protocols off and the door to the bridge opened. “Knowing Vega, he’ll want to give them a week to decompress before moving onto the new ship.”

“Yeah,” Joker said, then frowned as he took his first step inside. “Aw, man, he redid the lights, too.”  
  
That was true – Vega had made the dim emergency lights blue rather than red, but Shepard did not mind the switch.  

“Won’t matter once we get the lights off the generator, will it?”  
  
Joker looked up, his face slightly slack-jawed. “Commander…”

It was an odd slip up; she hadn’t been a commander in twenty years, and hadn’t been _his_ commander for thirty.  She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, turning toward the bridge.

“Are we really going to go that far?” Joker asked; his voice was barely a whisper, but in the empty bridge, the sound carried.

She stopped short, glancing at the Normandy’s walls; a bit more scratched and chipped, but still the same shade here. Her hand hit the back of one of the chairs and she could not help but caress it, the memories hitting her hard.

“You wanted to say goodbye,” she said slowly. “I think we owe the old girl…”  
  
“One last trip?” Joker interjected. She raised an eyebrow; Joker grinned.

“Oh, I _like_ the way you think, Commander. Ex-Commander.”

“Admiral, actually.”

“Whatever.” Joker rolled his eyes and walked quickly up to the cockpit, or as quickly as she suspected he could move these days. He sat down with such reverence that she couldn’t help but smile.

He closed his eyes and she said nothing, letting the moment wash over them both. The orange light of the dash lit up under Joker’s fingertips, and she found herself almost wondering how either of them could have stayed away for so long. It felt _right_ , it felt like if she just glanced to her left, she would find Kaidan co-piloting, or EDI….

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Could use a co-pilot, Shepard,” Joker said. “If you still remember how.”  
  
“I’m not that old,” she said, shifting into the chair. Her prosthetic hand only threw her off a little bit as she punched in a routine to take off. “Where to?”  
  
“Luna, for starters.” Joker’s mouth quirked into a smile. “If we don’t get arrested there, well – “  
  
She nodded. There was plenty of time to figure out a flight plan. Perhaps they’d go to Alchera and pay their respects; certainly they weren’t the only ones who had loved the Normandy. Perhaps the Mako would still be waiting for them, even after all this time. Or they could go to Palaven, or Rannoch, or even Tuchanka – there were, at last count, at least _seventeen_ Urdnot Shepard’s who she could definitely count as part of her _krannt_. They could always track down Liara – or perhaps go back to Tiptree, or even down to the old watering hole on Omega.  And hell, she was still pretty sure that she had that flat on Intai'sei.

“Let’s go,” she said, and Joker nodded, his hand slowly ghosting over the controls.

Joker controlled the ship as if he had never left; he never hesitated at the wheel. His lips pressed into a firm line as he threaded the Normandy through the twin spires of the Vancouver lookout, and Shepard ignored the confused radio chatter as they began to gain altitude.

“ _Normandy, you are not authorized for take-off, do you – “_  
  
Shepard quickly reached over to Joker’s side and clicked the silence button on the tower’s radio.

“Just like old times,” he said. “Though I think air traffic control might not be as miffed at us as Sparatus was.”  
  
“Mmm. _Your species lacks protocol_ , wasn’t it?”  
  
“I think so.” It had been long ago, but it had become a private joke between them, a rare burst of levity during the hunt for Saren. They’d called back to it many times, Cerberus in particular lacking a _great deal_ of protocol.

A light lit up on her right, and she glanced at Joker. “Air traffic control is hailing us again.”  
  
“Eh, let'em talk. Doesn’t mean we have to listen,” Joker said, pulling the ship upwards. They were gaining velocity now – they were  out of Vancouver airspace in seconds, and she smiled as they slipped the bonds of earth’s gravity well.

The moment they hit space, she sucked in her breath. It had been far too long since she’d been present on the bridge during a jump. She’d forgotten the overwhelming nature of it, the beautiful sight of thousands of far away stars.

“Been a while, huh?” Joker smirked. “You’re going soft, Admiral. Was a time when you wouldn’t let me do a solo run.”

“Yeah yeah.” She rested her hands over the holo-controls. “So, where do you – “  
  
“ _SSV Normandy_ ,” an old voice crackled through the intercom. “ _You are not cleared to leave Alliance Airspace.”_  
  
“Oh shit.” Joker looked at her, eyes wide. “Hackett.”

“ _Mr. Moreau.”_ Hackett sounded less than amused. “ _I am quite certain this is not your ship.”_

“Well, you see, sir, – “Shepard began, trying to come up with a plausible reason as for why there were there.  She suddenly, painfully missed the 'spectre business’ excuse. “We just – “

“ _Shepard.”_ Joker hadn’t bothered to put on the video, but she could tell that Hackett was shaking his head. _“Why –”_  
  
_“It’s okay,_ _Admiral_ _,”_ another voice chimed in, one she recognized immediately: Captain Vega, himself. “ _I gave'em the keys for one last ride. Guess they got a little too excited.”_

_Thank you,_ Vega, she silently thought. She breathed a bit easier, but then remembered she was never, ever going to hear the end of this.

Hackett was silent for a few moments, and Shepard closed her eyes. _Please_.

“ _Stand down. And next time, General Vega, please inform command of any_ _._ _..sudden change in plans involving air routes.”_  
  
“Thank you, sir.” Shepard said, grinning in relief. _Thank you both._  
  
“You bring her back in one piece, okay?”  Vega said, switching to a private channel. _“Hackett’s gonna kill me if you guys drive her off a cliff before they get a chance to scrap her proper.”_  
  
“Don’t worry Vega, Shepard only does that with Makos.”

Shepard glared at Joker, then at the speaker as Vega's laughter reverberated through the tinny speaker.

“ _Have fun, kids. Vega out.”_  
  
“Good guy, Muscles. Knew I liked him.” Joker grinned as Luna dipped into view. “So, Shepard…where do you want to go on our last ride?”  
  
“I dunno, Joker. Lots of places owe us a favor.” She raised an eyebrow. “What do you say we start at the first planet on the right, and keep going until we find somebody that owes us a drink?”  
  
Joker laughed and obliged her, turning the Normandy toward Mars. “Alright. As long as I get two umbrellas.”  
  
Shepard smiled as she settled in the co-pilots seat. Some things would never change.


End file.
